Have you ever felt like you had no more emotions? I don't mean emotionally spent. No I mean empty. I feel like that today.
Things started bad and degraded into much worse. My mother awoke in severe pain. The degenerative arthritis in her back was acting up. There was not much we could do. I put Tiger Balm on her back, for all the good that did.
The pain pushed her to the edge. She began to breakdown. But low and behold we found a Vicadin. One single solitary Vicadin. I told her to take. What harm could it do?
A huge breakdown and a return to the emergency room. The psychiatric emergency room. But that's not the worse of it. For starters my mother told all her recent secrets to my father. My father who is a former addict himself. He took it surprisingly well up until he left to get crack. At least that's what he said he would do. He came back with out the crack. I am very proud of him because or that.
He offered to take my mother to the hospital. It was difficult for her to pull the trigger, if you will excuse the term. Eventually she chose to go with my cousin. She said it was because we lacked cab fair and my cousin could drive her there. I'm not sure if that was the only reason. I do know that this decision will eventually bite her in the ass. Soon the whole family will know about this.
You may notice that I am somewhat absent from this part of the story. I was tired. Very tired. To be honest I couldn't deal with it anymore. So, I removed my self from the equation. I made an offer, half hearted though it was, to go with her. She refused. I don't even feel bad. I wish I did.
The only thing that affected me was a hug. As I hugged her good-bye she made asked me if I was going to hurt myself. To be honest the thought had crossed my mind fleetingly. I told her I would be her when she came back.
To sum up it was a much worse day.
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