While reviewing the "Lone Wolf and Cub" series I was thinking about other possible subjects. My first thought was the Zatoichi series. While I do love the Zatoichi movies I wanted to try something different. I finally settled on G.I. Joe. I plan on reviewing every episode of every animated G.I. Joe series. This will probably take me a year or more. Chances are I'll sprinkle in a few other reviews here and there. So with out further ado let's get to "G.I. Joe A Real American Hero" the pilot mini-series that aired in 1983.
G.I. Joe A Real American Hero
Mini Series One Episode 1
“The Cobra Strikes”
The first animated outing for the Joes is a great beginning. We are quickly shown our heroes and our villains. The plot of the episode has to do with Cobra using the MASS device, a teleportation machine, to steal a satellite, known as the Relay Star, from the US Military. With the help of an under cover operative, the Baroness, Cobra gets the Relay Star and even captures Duke. With the MASS device and the satellite Cobra begins a reign of terror. Their first act is to steal the Eiffel Tower. A scene that may have been adapted for the recent G.I. Joe movie. Cobra Commander also has Duke taken to the slave pits and put into gladiatorial combat. That is a lot of action for a 22 minute show. It's been years since I sat down and watched an episode of this show. It is just as good as I remember it and better than I expected. You always figure that the shows you watched as a kid wouldn't hold up when revisited. So far so good.
Quote of the Episode.
"I am going to kick the mustard out of that Hot Dog!" From Duke when referring to a pilot who buzzes him.
Awesome Moment of the Episode.
Stalker flipping from a jumping motorcycle to the roof of a building while under fire.
The "Wait. What?" moment of the episode.
Cobra keeps slaves.
G.I. Joe A Real American Hero
Mini Series One Episode 2
“Slave of the Cobra Master”
The second episode picks up right were the first left off. Cobra is waiting for World leaders to surrender to them. Now that they have the Relay Star the MASS Device can reach anywhere on the planet. When the world leaders refuse Cobra kidnaps the Russian army. Meanwhile a team of Joes led by Scarlet are looking for the three elements needed to make their MASS device, which is under construction, function. Their first destination is the Arctic circle. During their mission Snake Eyes apparently sacrifices himself. Before leaving him Scarlet sheds a tear. As all of this is happening Duke is able to escape from the clutches of Cobra with the help of a fellow slave. The slave, named Selena, gives Duke a piece of metal that blocks the mind control device he and all of the slave are outfitted with. Duke is unable to take Selena with him but gives her his ring and tells her that he will return. The episode ends with a group of delegates from around the world on an island awaiting word from Cobra. They are double crossed when Cobra Commander uses the MASS device to kidnap them. Destro warns Cobra Commander that his continued use of the MASS device is depleting their elemental fuel source. Another good episode with some nice emotional scenes.
Quote of the Episode.
"I'm starting to identify with frozen food!" Said by Scarlet to Snow Job.
Awesome Moment of the Episode.
Snake Eyes saves his teammates from a cloud of radioactivity by lowering a protective shield from the wrong side. As his teammates escape he waves goodbye from within the cloud.
The "Wait. What?" moment of the episode.
Duke is forced to fight in Cobra's gladiatorial arena. His opponent is a 10 foot tall giant dressed as a member of the He-Man and the Masters of the Universe cast. Also he and the giant are being controlled by Cobra Commander and Destro who are using what appear to be Atari 2600 controllers.
G.I. Joe A Real American Hero
Mini Series One Episode 3
“The worms of Death”
In this episode we follow the Joes as they search for the second element at the bottom of the deepest trench in the world. During this Snake Eyes, who is so badly irradiated he is actually glowing, escapes from the cave we last saw him in with the help of unwitting cobra soldiers. Major Bludd allows him to leave unharmed because he can‘t possibly survive. The Joes find the element but have to deal with Cobra forces and giant sea worms. Snake Eyes is saved by a hermit and makes his way back to the Joe base with the first element. The Joes were able to obtain the second as well. Meaning all they need is one more and they'll be able to fight Cobra. The clock is running though. Cobra has said that if the Joes don't surrender they will disintegrate New York City. To Combat this the Joes decide to destroy the Relay Star. Cobra prevents this by using the MASS device to send troops into space and protect the satellite. In doing so Cobra has used the last of its elements. I don't know if that means the Cobra troops are trapped in space and are going to slowly die but I like to think so. Snake Eyes finally arrives and give the Joes
Quote of the episode.
We have a tie for this episode.
First from Torpedo.
"Come to 'Pedo baby."
And from Cobra Commander.
"Cobra Rules."
Awesome moment of the episode.
Snake Eyes, glowing from radiation and having fallen down a small cliff, takes a few minutes to save a wolf from a trap. The wolf becomes Snake Eyes loyal partner Timber.
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| Wait. What? |
So many to choose from. Should I go with the giant Grizzly bear that bitch slaps Snake Eyes, the giant underwater tube worms that scream, or the leaves and herbs that can cure radiation poisoning? No, I think I am going to choose the random Scottish/Irish, blind, dog sleigh riding, hermit who knows what leaves and herbs can cure radiation sickness, and can diagnose a mute man with radiation sickness while being blind. All the while living in the Arctic circle. That guy is made of "Wait. What?"
G.I. Joe A Real American Hero
Mini Series One Episode 4
“Dual in the Devil Cauldron”
The Joes are losing consciousness from the gas and it is only a matter of time before the canister blows up. The only ones left conscious are Cover Girl and Timber. Timber helps Cover Girl dispose of the bomb. With that out of the way the Joes are making plans to get the third element. Before they can act those plans out they receive a secret transmission from Stalker. Stalker tells them that the president has agreed to surrender G.I. Joe to Cobra. We can see a mass of soldiers and vehicles behind Stalker moving to a designated area. Cobra Commander and Destro are watching the transmission as well. Cobra Commander proclaims victory. Destro is still wary and decides to continue procuring new elements to use as fuel for the Mass Device. What they don't know is that the transmission was fake. In fact the troops and vehicles behind Stalker are nothing more than toys. Toys that Gung Ho is very fond of. I assume they are official G.I.Joe toys and not the cheap bootlegs you find in Dollar stores. Anyway the Joes are attempting to get the last element they need. As they do this Cobra appears and a battle begins. During the battle Cobra gets the meteor, the source of the last element, and try to escape. The Joes attack and recapture the meteor as well as the Cobra forces. Destro is able to get some of the meteor and escape with Scarlett as his prisoner. As this is happening Cobra Commander, who is tired of waiting for the Joe's to surrender, tries to make good on his threat of destroying New York. He uses the Mass device even though he is running out of the third element. It seems to be working until Selena, the slave that helped Duke escape, uses a pitcher of water to short out the MASS device. She disables the device but is caught in the process. Mean while Scarlett is able to destroy the controls of the plane she and Destro are in. The episode ends with the plane about to crash into a mountain. This episode was much better than the previous one. The pacing was spot on and the voice acting, with out Torpedo, was back up to snuff.
Quote of the episode.
"Timber you're my kind of wolf." From Cover Girl to Timber after he helps dispose of a bomb.
Awesome Moment of the Episode.
Snake Eyes jumps from a helicopter, while wearing a Jet Pack, to a Cobra air ship. Timber, his wolf, watches and jumps after him. Snake Eyes catches Timber in mid-air and carries him to the air ship. Timber then saves Snake Eyes from being shot in the back.
The "Wait. What?" moment of the episode.
This time we have a tie.
First we have a bored Cobra Commander. To relieve his boredom he decides to have his giant Gladiator slave, whose name I believe is Ramar, entertain him by fighting a gladiator robot. Instead of saving this machine to fight the Joes he uses it the same way kids use action figures.
Secondly we have Destro's plan to get a meteor out of a volcano. The Joes uses helicopter equipped with magnets attached to cables. Simple and effective. Destro plans on causing the volcano to erupt. This way the meteor will be thrown into the air. He will then use a giant net attached to the front of the ship to catch it.
G.I. Joe A Real American Hero
Mini Series One Episode 5
“A Stake in the Serpent’s Heart”
The final episode of this mini-series picks up where the last one left off. Destro and Scarlett are careening into a mountain. Scarlett tells Destro that not all of the plane's controls are destroyed. They work together and are able to make it to Cobra's headquarters. Once there Scarlett is placed into a slave cell with Selena. Selena, thinking Scarlett is a Cobra spy, attacks her. The two have a short fight until Scarlett notices the ring Duke gave Selena. The two decide to join forces until help arrives. Mean while Destro takes control of Cobra from Cobra Commander. Now the top dog he orders the captured world leaders to tell their respective countries to surrender. While this is happening the Joes put Duke into a Sensory deprivation chamber. The idea being that they might be able to pull the location of Cobra's headquarters from his memory. It works. Sort of. Duke remembers giving his ring to Selena, in a scene that is just awkward. As the Joe's watch they all comment on just how attractive Selena is. One even says "Hey man. How could he forget a face like that!" Any way it turns out that Duke's ring can be tracked by the electrical device hidden inside it. Using this as a homing beacon the Joe's use their MASS Device to teleport outside of Cobra's headquarters. Before they arrive the slaves attempt a revolt. They are unsuccessful and Scarlett and Selena are recaptured and chained to a dungeon wall. The Joe's arrive but are at the foot of the mountain that Cobra headquarters sits on top of. They uses jet packs and specially modified vehicles to reach the top. All the while fighting Cobra forces. Once they reach the peak they make their way inside and beat Cobra. During the battle Destro is able to escape. He leaves Cobra Commander and the baroness to their fates. With Cobra's mass device destroyed and Cobra Commander caught there is just one task left. Returning the Eiffel Tower to it's proper home. They Joe's mass device is running low on fuel so they have only one shot. They miss. The Tower ends up in London. A problem easily solved with a big ass tug boat. All's well that ends well.
Quote of the Episode.
"What a tiresome Tigress." From Destro referring to Scarlett.
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| Seriously, how big is that guy? |
Romar, the giant slave gladiator, picks up an ATV carrying two Cobra soldiers and throws it out of a window. Romar's size hasn't been very consistent. Sometimes he's a few feet taller than Duke other times he seems to be somewhere between 15 and 20 feet tall.
The "Wait. What?" moment of the episode.
In a bid to escape Destro points the MASS device at the center of the earth. Which, if not stopped, would disintegrate the earth's core and destroy the planet. Considering it took the Joe's all of 1 minute to stop it, I'm guessing Destro just did it for the laughs.
I have to say that I really enjoyed this mini series. It was silly and goofy in parts but still held my attention. The action though not up to today's standards was fun. Also it's nice to see traditionally hand drawn animation. Most of today's cartoons, the non Japanese ones at least, are either CG or Flash animated. Sometimes the old ways are the best.
Before I go I wanted to spotlight one Joe in particular. As far as I am concerned Duke, real name Conrad Hauser, is the star of this mini-series. Snake Eyes may have had more cool scenes but Duke ended the mini-series with Scarlett on one arm and Selena on the other. Duke like many of the original G.I. Joe - A Real American Hero was designed and fleshed out by Larry Hama. He has been a stable part of every animated series, most of the comics, and was played by Channing Tatum in the recent movie. He has been voiced by many different actor through the years. The first being Michael Bell. Like every popular character Duke has had a number of action figures. He is one of the most important members of the team.
Cobra's most Wanted.
Destro
Since I spoke about a Joe I have to spread some love to the Cobra forces as well. Probably the most popular member of Cobra is the Scottish Weapons Dealer Destro. He has appeared in every G.I.Joe series. Whether they be animated or comic book a G.I.Joe series is not complete with our Destro. He has been voiced by Arthur Burghardt, Marice LaMarche, Scott McNeil, Marc Thompson, Eric Bauza, and Clancy Brown. He appeared in the original live action movie and was portrayed by Christopher Eccleston. That's right the ninth Doctor himself. The character has had 27 figures to date.
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