What does this week’s Impact have store for us? Salami Tits, Insane Asylums, and Odarg the Great. Curious?

Why did the WWE release EC3. I know the Derrick Bateman character wasn't anything near what he's doing now but it's the same guy. What were they thinking?

I can almost understand why the released Galloway, he had spent time on the main roster and had faltered, but EC3/Bateman was still sheltered by the old NXT.

The guy has everything the WWE wants. Size, physique (steroid enhanced though it may be), look, personality, charisma, and work rate. There must have been a reason for the WWE dropping him.

I'm assuming it's the same as the one they had for Galloway. Stupidity.

EC3 called Tyrus "Salami Tits". While it cool that TNA hasn't gone the PG route like the WWE, that insult threw me off. I'm not offended by it, I just don't get it. Salami is a tube shaped cured meat product that in no way resembles breasts. I don't get the comparison.

I know it's just a throw away line but it stuck in my craw. 'Ham tits' would have been better. 'Salami Nips' works as well. 'Salami Tits' just falls flat.

That one baffling line aside this was a good opening. Tyrus always surprises me with how good he is on the mic. He might not be the best in the ring but he can talk.

This all set up a tag match between Tryrus & Matt Hardy against EC3 and, I'm guessing, Rockstar Spud. It wasn't said who EC3 would get but the safe money is on Spud.

TNA has a habit of giving guys pretty generic ring music but making it identifiable with the opening. Like the "I am iconic." from Matt Hardy's, "Creatures!" from Jeff Hardy's, or the distinct sound that Kurt Angle‘s theme begins with. It's a smart thing to do. It makes the music instantly identifiable but, probably, cheap to produce.

I am so fucking sick of Eric Young. His 'crazy' thing is wearing thin. The spitting also needs to go away. He has to do something to freshen himself up.

James Storm looks like a different person with his hair down. It's so weird but he actually has a passing resemblance to Damien Sandown here.

I really didn't care about the match. It's gotten to the point that Eric Young and Bram are non-starters for me.

I have to admit that the brawl afterwards was great. Not the actual brawl itself but that it showed off size of the crowd. This was a smart thing to do. I've said it before and I'll say it again, the UK shows make TNA look good. The company never looks as big or important as it does during these shows.

 

Where were Abyss, Crazy Steve, and Rose Marie during there promo? I'm not trying to make a joke. I'm really curious. I doubt TNA filmed off site so they had to be in the arena. Was that a set TNA put together or is there an area in that building that just happens to resemble an Insane Asylum?

Actually where were they supposed to be in Kayfabe? Do they just hang out in the asylum. Are they committed but allowed out to wrestle? And how did that guy, whoever the fuck he is, find them?

I've noticed that Decay is a faction that begs a lot of questions.

I just saw the Odarg the Great vignette. It took me a few seconds to realize that Odarg is Grado. I'm ashamed about that. Sure Odarg/Grado isn't shown in it, but Odarg is Grado spelled backwards. It should have been instantly obvious.

Abyss and Crazy Steve are facing the Wolves in a Monster's ball match. The last time I saw one of these matches it was Abyss vs. Grado. I remember I went on a tagent about Abyss bringing plunder to the venue.

I'm about to do that again.

Just, for a second, imagine Abyss walking into a British hardware store. This giant monster of a man, teeth missing, leather mask and all walks into a little shop and asks for barbwire. Can you imagine the look on the guy behind the counter's face? The sheer terror. I would pay to see a vignette of that.

I've only been watching TNA for about a year. I have to ask, has Abyss ever actually hit someone with Janice?

I was about to bitch about Eddie Edwards being 'stuck' in the chair as Rose Mary pours tacks over his head, but Eddie freed himself. If he hadn't I would have gone on a long rant. Let's all thank Edwards for preventing that.

Davey Richards sucking the mist out of Rose Mary's mouth, while disgusting, was the spot of this match. I love when the faces aren't idiots. Still knocking her out would have been easier but I know male on female violence is frowned upon in TNA. Except for during the World Champion tournament when Gail Kim face Tigre Uno. But we won't mention that.

I don't get why the Wolves won this match. Decay is the new faction and needs to gain some traction. Not only that but this type of match, which was created for one the members of Decay, heavily favors them. I'm glad that the Wolves won but it would have been smarter to have Decay go over. Especially since Davey Richards is going to be out with injury for months, not that they knew that at the time. I hope the Wolves dropped the titles before Richards hurt himself.

The last thing those titles need is to be vacated again. That happened twice last year. Once with the Wolves when Eddie broke his ankle* and again when Jeff Hardy broke his leg. Those titles may just be cursed.

Josh Matthews is talking about this match as if it was the most violent and disturbing thing ever. It wasn't. Abyss bled a small amount, not that I'm asking for more, from his arm but that was it. This was just a very mild 'hardcore' match. Nothing to write home about.

I love Spud's ridiculous suits. They are better suited for an over the top heel but he pulls them off.

Let's talk about the Knockout's match for a second. when Gail Kim and Jade were in the ring it was good. Good enough that I would like to see a singles match between those two. The rest of the time it wasn't great.

Why is Mahabali Shera in TNA? I know that India is a large market for them but you can't tell me with all of the people in that country this guy was the best they could get. He worked a lot better when he was the silent mysterious member of the Revolution. As a smiling, talking face he is terrible.

He has partnered up with Odarg the Great for the next match. 

Just look at that picture.  I want to complain that the reveal of Odarg was very underwhelming. He was teased once in this episode and then he just pops up. The thing is every aspect of this character is done badly as a joke. His build up should be the same way.

Those two faced the team of Eli Drake and Jessie Godderz next. Shera came out to a lukewarm reaction but damn if Grado isn't over. Even wearing that stupid mask. Seriously I know that the mask is a joke but it just looks like shit. Not just ordinary shit either, uncomfortable shit.

According to Josh Mathews the wrestler's have to pay for their theme music. This brings me back to Decay. I know I should talk about Grado and this match but I can't.

All I'm thinking about now is Abyss writing a check to Marilyn Manson. This match means nothing to me compared to that thought. I wonder if Abyss has custom checks?

It just occurred to me that we haven't seen Shira in quite a while. Does he live in the US or is he flown in from India? If he moved to America to work for TNA you would think the company would use him more, not that I'm complaining. 

Shira aside I have no problem with Ogard/Grado. This is the kind of fun that wrestling needs. Jessie Godderz laughing his ass off at the stupidity of the situation only made everything better.

The only thing about the main event that I want to talk about is the dive EC3 did. I don't think either Tyrus or Matt Hardy slowed him down at all. That looked like a hard landing.

That's it for Impact. Next week is Lethal Lockdown. An entire night of cage matches. I'll talk about my feelings towards that idea next week.