Media Monday.

 

It's that time again. Time to take a stroll down nostalgia lane and take a look back at the most American of cartoons, that happened to be animated by Koreans. G.I.Joe. This week I'll be looking at episodes 11 through 15. So with out further ado let's get to the good stuff. 

G.I.Joe Episode 11

Cobra's Creatures

Our first episode of the day begins in the air. Flint, Ripcord, and Mutt are performing some tests on the CCC (Canine Core Chute). These tests require Ripcord, Mutt, and Mutt's dog Junkyard to eject from the planes and parachute down to the ground. They never make it. They are caught, in a cloud bank, by a group of Cobra helicopters. When Flint realizes what has happened he scrambles the Joes.

At an undisclosed location Cobra Commander is meeting an evil scientist. You may ask how I know he is evil? Well, for starters I've seen the episode and secondly his name is Dr. Lucifer. So, yeah, evil. As Cobra Commander is speaking to the scientists, Cobra troops bring in Ripcord, Mutt, and Junkyard. Dr. Lucifer, it turns out has created a machine that uses high frequency waves to control animals. Cobra Commander dubs the device High Freq.

It is decided that Dr. Lucifer should use Junkyard as a test subject. Mutt tries to prevent this but is unable to do much. Junkyard's mind is taken over. Cobra Commander decides to see how good the device is. He has Mutt released and sends Junkyard after him. Ripcord is placed in the dungeon for later. 

When the subject of cost comes up Dr. Lucifer tells Cobra Commander that he wants just one thing. Professor Attila, the woman he loves, is being held in a high security prison. If Cobra Commander agrees to free her, High Freq is his. Cobra Commander agrees and the deal is struck.

With that Cobra Commander begins to assemble his animal army made up of lions, whales, locust, and other creatures. He sends these animals out to cause damage world wide. He stops ships, destroys crops, and stops oil production. As with previous episodes Cobra Commander makes an announcement voicing his demands. Also as in previous episodes this proves to be his down fall.

The Joes realize that Dr. Lucifer is the only one capable of doing this. They also know that he has a thing for Prof. Attila. Scarlett suggests that a switch be made.

This does not go well. When Scarlett, disguised as Prof. Attila, sees Dr. Lucifer she acts like a woman in love. Dr. Lucifer points out that Prof. Attila is not a loving woman. With Scarlett's disguise ruined she captured and thrown into the dungeon with Ripcord.

Unbeknownst to Cobra Commander and Dr. Lucifer, Scarlett is wearing a tracking device. She sends out a single and the Joes now know the location of the High Freq machine. At the Joe base Spirit and Snake Eyes volunteer for a rescue mission.

Back at the castle Dr. Lucifer uses the High Freq machine to summon a horde of spiders to kill Scarlett and Ripcord. The scene ends with the spiders closing in on the two Joes.

Mutt, meanwhile, is close to exhaustion. He takes a rest only to be attacked by Junkyard yet again. During the attack a crocodile attempts to make a meal of the dog. Mutt shows him why you don't fuck with a Joe's dog. Junkyard, still being under the influence of High Freq, continues his attack.

As that is happening Spirit and Snake Eyes arrive at the castle. Spirit tells Timber and Freedom to pretend to have captured them and lead them into the castle. This leads to a funny scene were Freedom rides on Timber as they march the Joes through the castle.

Spirit and Snake Eyes make it to the dungeon with enough time to save Scarlett and Ripcord from a spidery death. the worst kind of death if you ask me. As the four Joes and two animal partners make their way to the High Freq controls, the Joes attack en mass.

The controls are destroyed before the final command can be given to the animal army. With the machine destroyed all of the animals return to normal. In the jungle Junkyard reverts to normal before he can finish Mutt off.

The episode ends with Dr. Lucifer being reunited with Prof. Attila in Prison. Oddly enough they are placed in the same cell. Which, I guess, means that prisons in the Joe universe are unisex. Go figure.

While the voice acting, especially for Mutt, was top notch this episode fell a little flat. There was nothing really wrong with it, but at the same time there was nothing really right with it either. Nothing really stood out. This was a truly average episode. It wasn't boring but it didn't hold my attention either. I can't recommend it nor can I recommend skipping it. Give it a shot and if you aren't feeling it then skip it over. It won't be much of a loss.

Quote of the Episode.

From Dr. Lucifer

"My Attila, the real Attila, would never kiss me without insulting me first!"

Awesome Moment of the Episode.

After being chased by Junkyard for the entire episode Mutt breaks down and fights his K9 buddy. This leads to a scene where Junkyard is in danger of being eaten by a crocodile (It could also be an alligator, I'm not sure which). Mutt doesn't hesitate for a second. He jumps the giant creature and fights it to save Junkyard. Because, as I have said before you do not FUCK with a G.I.Joe's dog.

The "Wait. What?" Moment of the Episode.

As we have seen before the Joe animal side kicks always ride with their partners. This has led to some funny scenes. Like the time Mutt took Junkyard aboard a space shuttle. Well, in this episode we get something that may not be that out of this world (Ha) but is pretty funny. In the beginning of the episode the Joes are testing are testing the Canine Corps Chute. An aspect of this test requites the pilots of two jets to eject from their planes. One of the pilots is Mutt. After he has left his plane Flint, from another jet, remotely ejects Junkyard. That's right this episode has a dog on an ejector seat followed by K9 skydiving. I can't make this shit up. I wish I could, but I can't.

G.I.Joe Episode 12

The Funhouse

We open on Zartan infiltrating a science lab. He is there to kidnap a scientist. One of many Cobra has collected recently.

At the Joe HQ Flint is pondering what Cobra has planned. As he and the other Joe's discuss this Cobra Commander contacts them. He demands $60 billion or the scientists will be killed.

The Joes are able to trace the transmission but are wary of how easy it was. Their worries are not unfounded. Cobra Commander has indeed set a trap for the Joes.

When the Joes arrive at the Cobra base they face limited resistance. While there is a battle it is over quickly. With the perimeter forces defeated a group of the Joes head into the base. This group is made up of Flint, Lady Jaye, Alpine, Bazooka, Airtight, and Dusty.

Once inside the group is disarmed and separated from the rest of the Joes. Cobra Commander welcomes them to his "Funhouse". He tells the Joes that there are three doors they can go through. One of which leads to him. To insure their compliance Cobra Commander tells the Joes that the entire island is a bomb and if the Joes want to disarm it they have to reach him.

Flint breaks the Joes into three teams. The first team being Airtight and Dusty, the second being Alpine and Bazooka, and the last being Flint and Lady Jaye.

Airtight and Dusty are the first to encounter trouble. Dusty is drugged by balloons filled with hallucinogenic powder. He thinks that Airtight is actually Cobra Commander. Airtight is able to subdue Dusty but has to continue on his own.

Alpine and Bazooka are next. They find a Cobra themed rollercoaster that they have no choice but to ride. At first everything is fine. Until they are driven through a shooting gallery. Bazooka takes one to the head, but since this is G.I.Joe he is only knocked out.

Airtight, who has continued on his own, finds himself surrounded by evil Jack in the Boxes. He puts up a good fight but ends up unconscious and covered in rubble.

Alpine is the next to fall. He ends up in a giant bowling alley and get taken out by a pin.

As all this is happening the rest of the Joes have been trying to get into the base, to no avail.

Flint and Lady Jaye, who have had it pretty easy so far, reach their first obstacle. A group of Cobra Commander shaped tin soldiers armed with lasers. Lady Jaye is taken out but Flint puts on a much better fight. He leads them in a chase and ends up only feet away from Cobra Commander's hiding place. Cobra Commander tries to take Flint out himself but only manages to destroy the tin soldiers.

With their defenses breached Cobra Commander, who has been accompanied by Zartan and Baroness, sets the bomb and makes his escape. Flint can't disarm the bomb but is able to buy the Joes a few more minutes.

Lady Jaye, Alpine, and Airtight have regained consciousness and grab Bazooka on the way out. Flint is close behind with Dusty in tow. All the Joes make it out as the entire island goes up.

Cobra Commander, Zartan, and Baroness make it to Cobra's real base and gloat. Cobra Commander thinks the Joes are dead and he has won. This only lasts a few seconds as the Joes, who had followed Cobra commander, arrive and renew their attack. With the battle all but lost Cobra Commander, Zartan, and Baroness escape.

The episode ends with Alpine and Bazooka joking about Flint. Lady Jaye breaks the conversation up when she asks who wants to take her on a moonlight stroll. Bazooka and Alpine both speak up but are quickly silenced by Flint.

After the last rather lackluster episode this was a treat. It was much more attention grabbing. The animation was smooth and the action fast paced. Definitely an episode I can recommend.

Quote of the Episode.

From Cobra Commander.

"Eleven. I got Eleven. That's even better than a strike!"

Awesome Moment of the Episode.

Flint takes a bunch of Cobra robots on a cat and mouse chase. He leads them through the maze like passages of the "Funhouse" all the while whittling their numbers down. It shows how good Flint is and highlights his strategic thinking. It is not only a cool scene, but it also shows how different he is from Duke.

The "Wait. What?" Moment of the Episode.

Alpine has a "GIJOE EXPRESS" credit card. Which means that either G.I.Joe gives it's employees credit cards or American Express has a card specifically for G.I.Joes. Either way the card is made out to Alpine. Not his real name but his codename. I found that kind of funny.

G.I.Joe Episode 13

Twenty Questions

Before I get into the episode proper I have to mention the character of the reporter, Hector Ramirez. He seems to be a spoof of Geraldo Rivera. Given his Hispanic name and moustache. I can't be sure of that but it seems fairly obvious. The character, itself, has an interesting history. He has appeared in G.I.Joe, Transformers,  Inhumanoids, and Gem.

With that out of the way let's get to the episode itself. It begins with the Joes in the midst of training. As this is happening a reporter, cameraman, and someone who I can only describe as a conspiracy theorist arrive. The war games are called off do the arrival of the three civilians.

Flint questions the men but is put on the spot. The reporter, Hector Ramirez, asks about military spending and even accuses the Joes of creating Cobra. When Flint refuses to answer these questions, the reporter demands to see his commanding officer. Since Duke is off sight, Flint takes the three men to an office to wait. He then assigns Shipwreck to give them a tour.

The tour does not go well. The conspiracy theorist cracks jokes and constantly undermines the Joes and their training. Shipwreck is pushed too far and decides to prove that Cobra exists. Using information from a top secret computer room he takes the three men on an outing. They head to the Rocky mountains to see Cobra first hand.

Zartan sees the Joe copter and has the Dreadnoks fire on it. Shipwreck is able to land the copter safely but has no way of contacting the Joes.

Back on base Cover Girl and Gung Ho are searching for Shipwreck. They come upon Ace and Ripcord who tell them that he left. It doesn't take long before they know where Shipwreck and the three men are.

A few moments later the Joes are on the move. Shipwreck is able to prevent them from being shot down like he was and even manages to take out some cobra Rattlers in the process. During this Zartan and the Dreadnoks were able to sneak up behind Shipwreck and capture all four men.

The men are taken into a huge hidden Cobra base. Once there the conspiracy theorist reveals himself to actually be Baroness in disguise. We also learn that Cobra Commander is after a dangerous explosive gas.

The Joes pick up a Cobra communication and move to prevent Cobra from getting the explosive gas. Meanwhile Shipwreck, Hector Ramirez, and the Cameraman are lined up against a wall for execution. Ramirez asks to interview Cobra Commander, which he of course agrees too, thereby buying them some time.

As the Dreadnoks move out Cover Girl, Alpine, Spirit, and Gung Ho find Wild Weasel, a Cobra pilot, and learn of a way into the base.

While that is happening the Dreadnoks have attacked the chemical weapons arsenal and have gotten not only the explosive gas, but tear gas, and laughing gas as well. They aren't the only ones who have been successful since Cover Girl, Alpine, Spirit, and Gung Ho have found a way into the base.

Spirit sends Freedom in to recon the base. Baroness spots the bird and tries to shoot it right out of the air. Shipwreck stops her and a battle ensues. During the fight Shipwreck releases the laughing gas and causes chaos.

With everything going to hell the Joes escape while the Cobra base is destroyed.

The episode ends with Duke trying to question the Shipwreck. The constant laughing makes this impossible and Duke eventually gives up.

As far as I am concerned any Shipwreck episode is a good episode. He has such a unique voice and character, that I can't help but like him. But as an objective reviewer, which I am not, I have to take my love for the character away and look at it from a more clinical point of view. So, with that in mind, do I recommend this episode? Hell yes! It has Shipwreck and a Geraldo Rivera stand in. What's not to like?

Quote of the Episode.

From Cobra Commander.

"I will not allow such impertinence. Especially from an enlisted man!"

Awesome Moment of the Episode.

This may be an odd choice but just roll with it. There is a fun little scene in the Joe HQ between Spirit and Alpine. The two Joes are just shooting the shit and playing pool. It cool to see the Joes actually interact with each other in a non-combat situation.

The "Wait. What?" Moment of the Episode.

So in the beginning of the episode the Joes are in a rec-room relaxing. One of them, Cover Girl I believe, is watching a movie. The star of this film is none other than Spider-Man. At first I thought that this was totally out of place, but then I remembered that the old Joe comic was published by Marvel. The same company that owns Spider-Man. Even so it is an odd thing to see.

G.I.Joe Episode 14

The Greenhouse Effect

Episode 14 opens in a lab, because it's not a G.I.Joe episode with out one. This lab has a scientist on the verge of creating a new low emission fuel source. As with all of these new technologies Cobra wants it. So much so that they have a man undercover in the facility.

The man, disguised as a janitor, steals the fuel in front of Alpine, Bazooka, Barbeque, and Wild Bill. He uses a bucket, a mop, and some fancy moves to get a way scot-free.

The Joes give chase but are unable to catch up with him. Though they are close enough to make the man nervous. He decides to hide the fuel sample in a greenhouse. While doing so he is caught by a pair of cops and the owner of the green house. The man is knocked unconscious and put in jail.

Back at the greenhouse we learn that the fuel has one hell of a side effect. It causes rapid growth in vegetation. The owner of the green house sees this but attributes it to his special plant food.

In the jail the Crimson Twins visit the now imprisoned crimson guardsman. They learn that the fuel sample is in a green house but not which one. This leads to a mass search. Sadly the search comes up empty.

At Cobra HQ Cobra Commander lays the blame for this failure at Destro's feet. Destro is sent to retrieve the fuel himself. When he arrives at the town, it is in the midst of the county fair. The same fair that the owner of the green house is presenting his plants at. While on stage the plants begin to go crazy. I originally thought the plants would become carnivorous, but instead they just become very unstable.

The commotion attracts both the Joes and Destro. The two forces battle it out over the fuel sample. Destro is unable to retrieve the sample but does get a giant bean.

He presents it, as a possible weapon, to Cobra Commander who promptly throws it out of a window and has Destro put in the dungeon. The bean sprouts and grows into a gigantic plant in mere minutes. When Cobra Commander visits Destro in the dungeon the plant breaks in and attacks him. Destro saves Cobra Commander, but only after pointing out his idea, which Cobra Commander scoffed at, was a good one.

It is decided that Cobra will attack the city of Chicago with seeds. Once the attack is underway Cobra Commander once again makes an announcement, I am really starting to sense a trend here. At Joe HQ Airtight is working on a super pesticide.

Meanwhile the city of Chicago is being destroyed by giant plants. The Joes arrive but are of little help. They are able to stop the seeding but cannot stop the plants that have already sprouted.

Airtight arrives in the nick of time with a working pesticide. He decides to crystallize it and seed the clouds with it, since it is about to rain. The plan works and the giant plants revert to normal size.

With that done the Joes return to the county fair and play a little prank on the owner of the Green House.

This episode was just fun. There was no drama or suspense, or what passes for those things in a show like this. This was nothing but pure fluff. It was, however, fluff done well. It’s worth a watch if you want something silly.

Quote of the Episode.

From Destro.

"How do you stop a grapefruit tree that grows 14 stories high and rains fruits the size of wrecking balls on the street below?"

Awesome Moment of the Episode.

A simple Crimson Guard member is able to best four Joes and escape with a new super fuel. If Cobra had more men like him they would have no problem taking over the world.

The "Wait. What?" Moment of the Episode.

This may seem silly, considering the episode was about giant plants that could kill you, but the weirdest moment of the episode had nothing to do with plants. Tomax and Xamot send members of the Crimson Guard out to find the greenhouse with the fuel sample in it. One of the members of the guard, a young woman, is wearing a Cobra T-Shirt under her Jacket. Cobra is a widely known terrorist organization, you would assume that a member of Cobra, at least one who is undercover, would not want to wear Cobra branded clothes.

G.I.Joe Episode 15

Haul Down The Heavens

In this episode the Joes are tasked with escorting and guarding a group of scientist on their way to the north pole. For some reason the aurora borealis has been acting differently and is now causing the polar ice caps to melt.

Most of the scientist are happy to have the Joes watching their backs, but one isn't. A female scientist, who is so obviously the Baroness that I don't know why they even hide it, is the lone voice of contention.

While loading their gear a crane goes crazy and almost kills the group of scientist. When Flint and Lady Jaye investigate they find the crane cab empty. The only possible explanation being sabotage.

From there we move to the group at the north pole. After making camp for the night the Joes and scientist are once again the victim of sabotage. One of the Joe's own vehicles almost runs them over.

After a conversation between the Joes and the female scientist we move to a motel room. While cleaning a maid finds the real scientist bound and gagged in a chair.

Back at the North Pole Lady Jaye mistakes a polar bear for a saboteur. Snow Job and Flint chase after the bear only to find a huge Cobra base. And wouldn't you know it the female scientist finds them and reveals herself to be the Baroness. I so did not see that coming.

The Baroness sends up a signal flair which results in Flint and Snow Job being chased by a large number of Cobra forces. The two are able to escape but have to destroy their snow mobile in the process.

Snow Job tries to steal a Cobra copter but is unable to. Flint, meanwhile, heads to the Cobra base in the hopes of using their radio to contact the Joes. He is caught before he can do so. Snow Job is able to get away but not before being stabbed by a few tranquilizer darts.

At the Cobra base Destro outlines Cobra’s planes. They boil down to destruction because, why not? With one Joe unaccounted for Cobra Commander sends Firefly to the Joe HQ.

Speaking of which the real scientist has been brought in and the Joes now know that Cobra is behind the issues with the Aurora borealis.

Snow Job, who has been wandering the north pole half conscience, is found by some locals. They take him in and do what they can. when he awakes he tries to use their radio but isn't strong enough.

Duke has the Joes fuel their jets for immediate take off. Which is exactly what FIrefly wanted. He spiked the fuel with acid, effectively destroying almost the entire Joe air force. There is but one jet left.

At the Cobra base Flint and Lady Jaye escape by singing very badly, but are quickly recaptured. They are forced into a Cobra gladiatorial arena and made to fight the polar bear from earlier, which had been captured by cobra.

The head of the local family, that had found Snow Job, realizes what he had been trying to do and contacts the Joes for him. When the Joes hear of the shape Snow Job is in Ripcord takes the last surviving plane and heads out. He reaches Snow Job in the nick of time.

Back at the Cobra base Flint and Lady Jaye are doing their best to not end up inside of a polar bear. The Joe forces, riding hovercrafts, arrive and cause enough of a distraction for Flint and Lady Jaye to escape once again. Flint, unable to stop the Ion Attracter which had been causing the aurora borealis to go crazy, sets it into overdrive.

This cause the ice to melt even faster. With the ice weakened the Cobra tanks and base sink into the sea. which put's and end to the Ion Attracter and Cobra's plans.

The episode ends with the polar bear chilling out on a Joe hovercraft. I love that polar bear.

This was another skipable episode. It was very by the numbers. Nothing was wrong with it but nothing stood out either. All things considered these 5 episodes have been a mixed bag. We have some good episodes, I mean really good, but we have also had a taste of the average. All in all none of them were full on bad. The good outweighed the bad and I enjoyed watching them. Although I am looking forward to seeing some really bad episodes. I know they are out there. Maybe next week.

Quote of the Episode.

We have our first and only double entry of the week.

From Flint.

"Get that girl in tow before I kick her in the afterburner!"

From Destro.

"Beware Lady Jaye, with so sharp a tongue you could cut your own throat."

Awesome Moment of the Episode.

In a scene that really shows his skill the Cobra saboteur, Firefly, takes out all of the Joe jets, save for one. He does this by infiltrating the Joe HQ and adding acid to the fuel supply. He is then confronted by Duke but is able to escape anyway.

The "Wait. What?" Moment of the Episode.

Lady Jaye sees someone moving behind one of the Joe vehicles. She believes it to be the saboteur, but on closer inspection it turns out to be a polar bear. She tries to fend the beast off with a javelin to no avail. The bear just grabs it and breaks it in two. It then steals some of the Joe's supplies. I just love the bear's nonchalant attitude. Especially when he comes back later and, after trying to kill Flint and Lady Jaye, just takes a nap on their hovercraft.

Know Your Joe.

Bazooka

While watching these episodes, "The Funhouse" and "The Greenhouse Effect" to be exact, I was shocked at the characterization of Bazooka. He is presented as being a, well there is no other way to put it, near retarded moron. In one episode just hearing the word "itch" sends him into a scratching fit. Not to mention that he rarely says more than two words at a time. The Joes are supposed to be highly trained specialist and here comes a character who literally trips over a log and discharges his weapon, almost hitting Flint in the process. The worst aspect of this is that the character is not treated as such anywhere else. Take a look at the file card above. Does that sound like a man who is of so little use he might as well not even be there. In the comics and more recent cartoons he shown to be a much more proficient soldier. Normally I just tend to give a bit of background info on the characters I spotlight in this section but I like Bazooka and felt he deserved more than what he got. I might be the only one considering the character has been killed in two different continuities. First in the G.I.Joe resolute series and again in the IDW comic series.

As for the history of the character he first appeared in mini series "Pyramid of Darkness" and made his comic debut a year later in issue #44 of the original series. The character was voiced by John Hostetter in the Sunbow series and did not appear in the later series. Although his trademark red jersey makes a cameo in the live action G.I.Joe movie, so there's that. There have only been 6 figures of the character released to date.

Cobra's most Wanted.

Firefly

Firefly is an interesting character. He is a ninja. Kind of. He is trained as one and is a master of the art but is portrayed as more of a saboteur. This maybe because he isn't a match for Snake Eyes or Storm Shadow. At least not in a fair fight. The character has been voiced by Gregg Berger, Sean Schemmel, and Peter MacNicol. He is also set to appear in the new live action G.I.Joe movie and is being played by Ray Stevenson. There have been 23 figures of the character so far.